Happy go lucky – what is that really about? I have never figured it out and in this ever changing, more socially fractured World, is it even possible? I always used to think I was pretty different but it would appear not.
More people than ever are choosing to be single and for good reason, it would seem. How can you commit so much to another person if you do not implicitly trust them? Can you trust someone unless you let the walls down and open up to them? Why should you spend time and effort doing something that doesn’t work for you?
I have heard these questions and derivatives many times, from various friends and sources. I don’t know, is my usual answer. A monologue or tirade then starts before a conclusion statement then comes out, ‘I wish I was more like you and didn’t bother with embarking on relationships’ or ‘It must be great not being worried by this stuff like you are?’
Well I wish it were that simple. I have ended up where I have more through circumstance than any conscious choice.
Not so long ago I looked through some old school books from my English classes back in the mid 1980’s. At 9 or 10 years old we were asked to say where we thought we would be in life at the age of 30 and mine was amusing to read and quite revealing about how unprepared I was for how the World was set to change, with the digital age.
At 30 years old I was married with a child and another on the way, the classic model two kids then. I was working as an architect, doing civil engineering type stuff not commercial or residential and I lived in a 3 or 4 bed semi, (difficult to decipher how many bedrooms it had). The final element was the BMW on the drive, as I am a petrol head.
Well how far wrong could I have been? My disastrous experiences with relationships in my early 20’s poisoned my opinion on relationships to such an extent I then actively avoided them for another 8 years, (and with it any chance of finding someone whilst I remained a reasonable person, open to change).
Those relationships which I did embark on were doomed as I am a closed person, as a result. So the decision was made for me in 1997 then when my trust evaporated.